im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
