they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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