can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
My pussy is not your playground.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
