i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
