Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Randomize
