Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
