Swine flu. Run for my life!
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
