were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I just found a bag of teeth...
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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