the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
