My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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