The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
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