Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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