Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
