Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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