i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I FOUND THE LEGS
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
