so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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