you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
