She's JV to your varsity
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
