He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
