My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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