I CAN MOONWALK!
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
