I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
