New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
