You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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