The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Randomize
