HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
