be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
