So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
