Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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