His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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