And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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