It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
