It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
