I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
