i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
