Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
