You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
You left your phone here
Wait...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
