what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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