i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
