Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
you traded sex for a burrito?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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