Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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