That's when you crack a 10am beer
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
