Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
