I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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