So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
