u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
