I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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