when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
