I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
