just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
