And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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