So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
