He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
